Confessions of an Adulteress
Everything that will ever happen to you already happened to you while you were in high school. I don’t know why that’s true, perhaps the psychoanalysts can come up with a reason for it, but we end up reliving the same experiences over and over again without ever really knowing what caused them in the first place.
I remember being at the mall with my friends. My best friend was Lisa and she was hot, but sweet, a nice cute girl, and she was there with this punk ass boy she had no business being with but was obsessing over. I understood her attraction, the boy was hot. He was smart, but he wasn’t good in school. He had this superficial bullshit Irish charm and he liked to drink and fuck and fight. He was always wearing these punk rock t-shirts to school and his hair was all fucked up looking and this stupid shit eating grin on his face all the time.
So me, Lisa, and the Punk and some other friends were looking at clothes in some shitty sweatshop labor store when I caught him looking at him and I smiled shyly, averting my eyes for just a long enough to look back, and flash a vulnerable glance in his direction; a glance like I couldn’t help myself; a glance like it was all over for me. He smiled knowingly while Lisa was looking at some cute shit she was going to buy and I grabbed something off the rack, biting my lip, staring at him, as I disappeared into a dressing room.
It didn’t take him long after that to slip inside behind the curtains. I was sitting there patiently with my top off and our eyes locked and he grunted. He lifted my chin with his fingers and I stood to embrace him embrace. He drew me nearer, unclasping my bra, and I was there before him exposed, my most personal parts laid bare with my best friend only a few feet away.
I sucked his dick right there in dressing room. It only took him about two minutes to cum. He was so turned on by that exchange. Eventually he meandered out into the store. No one had really noticed he was gone, even Lisa who was entranced by the latest fashions. Plus, he was only gone for two minutes. I stuffed the stupid blouse that had been my excuse to go in there in the first place into my pants and walked out myself a couple minutes later.
I remember asking Lisa a couple of days later if she ever fucked the punk. She did. That lucky boy got fucked by two hot girls in one night. I wondered if he was thinking about me when he was fucking her. It turned me on to think so. But I felt kinda bad too. I wanted to give Lisa the blouse I stole. I thought about it. But I kept it instead, kind of like a trophy.
In retrospect, I wonder if the only reason I married in the first place was to commit adultery. It’s really the fear of getting caught that is so exciting for me. That’s why that whole sex in public with the best friend’s boy was such a formative experience. I needed to get married in order to generate that feeling again. I liked my husband. He was always a good man and the sex was always good too, for what it was. But if it didn’t have that element of taking something that didn’t belong to me, or the possibility of being caught, or unmasked in some way then it never completely fulfilled me.
Eventually we did divorce. There was something pathetic about the lie he had built around our life together. It was unfair to him and unbecoming of a good, strong, man to have his self-conception be so riddled with holes. I never told him about my kinky misadventures behind his back. That too would be unfair. It may unburden me, but the lie was more comfortable than the truth.
Affair Dating Online
Nowadays my adulterous affairs are relegated to online affair dating. I seek out married men on affair dating websites to have adulterous affairs with. I’ve thought about having a steady boyfriend, someone who I can tease and taunt, even maybe someone I can eventually marry, but I’m not sure I’ll ever recapture that moment in the dressing room. I’ve done some crazy shit since then, though, a lot stuff that came awfully close.
Anyway, affair dating sites offer me hundreds of married men in my area to choose from. I do enjoy going through their profiles and learning about their lives. For them and for me, it’s really about recapturing something we both had in highschool which was sex and romance without the responsibility of intense and committed relationships.